Today’s blog is full of photographs. It’s summertime, the kids are home, my sanity is on vacation, and the camera is getting used to document important and stupid things alike. A few years ago, when the kids were bored, I suggested they take photos and set up a Powerpoint slide show on my computer. They did. The results were astonishing. I believe the title of the slide show was “the Gender Bending Dress Up Fashion Show” or something like this. It involved balloons, makeup and the contents of my lingerie drawer – including a few items that I’d rather my kids have never even known existed. Ah well… that’s a post for another day. Perhaps I can find that slideshow and post for you all, so you can judge my parenting, and find me woefully lacking. But that’s for a day when my self esteem can take it.
This set of pics was taken by Ransom at the grocery store. He’s quite the comedian, and I thoroughly enjoy his commentary. It’s an interesting peek into the mind of a subtly warped prepubescent individual. Ransom frequently makes jokes he doesn’t understand, and when you explain what he said back to him, he turns red, and hides his head under a pillow. He’s an inadvertent comedian sometimes, I guess. So, here we go. We approach the grocery store. Outside, as we attempt to find a cart that isn’t too hot to touch or contains wadded up tissues containing who knows what, we see a sign for watermelons:
PERSONAL watermelons! “For your intimate snacking pleasure,” says Mr. Lover. I explain what intimate means, and he takes off into the cheese section to avoid my snarky comments. Seems he saw an “intimate moisturizer” commercial on WE, and assumed it just meant “personal.” He didn’t realize just what was dry, you know. He loosened up though, and became quite giggly over the idea of eating watermelon naked.
Next, we hit the vitamin/natural health section. I was looking for Chromium Picolinate. I’d had good luck losing weight in the past when I supplemented with this stuff, and am willing to try it again, even if it is just voodoo. Ransom saw a bottle and announced that his sister Addie REALLY needed some of these:
Chill Pills. Herbal supplements to promote calmness. And seeing as how Addie hasn’t just recently hit adolescence as much as she’s crashed against it at a high rate of speed… she probably could benefit from a Chill Pill. Considering she lives with Ransom – who continually pokes her with his finger until she beats him and makes him cry – yes, a Chill pill wouldn’t come amiss. But it would have been an $8 purchase, and simply locking her bedroom door would probably give her the same effect for free. So we moved on…
To the organic food section. The child and I discussed “syntax” – and the tendency to get confused by all the modifiers used on packaging. For example:
free range chicken broth. Broth that was never caged, allowed to roam until it was packaged? Or:
Organic animal crackers – made from organic animals as opposed to chemically engineered animals? Much fun was had in Organics by us Uber-geeks.
Next up, the foreign foods aisle. The end cap of this aisle had a display of this:
Ransom looked at it carefully for a minute. He looked sheepishly over his shoulder at me, then giggled into the hand he put over his mouth. “Out with it, son,” I ordered. More giggles, then he held a hand up to my ear and whispered “If you have an Orange-Gyna, then you should see your doctor.” When my girls were younger, they referred to their privates as “ginas” instead of “VAginas.” For a boy who has not even hit puberty, it surprised me that his mind went there. But not too much….
And lastly, we had some Good Times. On the diaper aisle, where Good Times are to be had by all who are willing to spend $10.99, plus tax, for training pants.
Ransom says “Good times are NOT times you poop your pants." Kid’s got a point.
We came home in a terrific mood, having only spent $257 for groceries for 2 weeks for a family of 6 (including two teenagers). We had some flowers and a baby pool tossed in on the bill, as well as $10 cash back. It was a good trip. The best part was thoroughly enjoying some precious one on one time with a kid who is just as nutty and fun as I like to think I am. If he didn’t drop to his knees and beg in the candy aisle, the cereal aisle, the chip aisle, the book aisle, the ice cream aisle… etcetera…. then I might be willing to make him my permanent grocery buddy.
A classic grocery find from earlier this year - it's only about $.59 per package. A cheap gift for a friend who isn't getting any, except in her soup bowl: